(In)famous failures

[gary m]

Not talking about accidents or unusual crap that has happened to you.

This is something that you intentionally did with some expected result and it turned out a bit less than desired.

It was 1982 and I was dead broke living behind a dive beer and wine joint in Tempe, AZ about 1/2 mile from the ASU campus, which in itself is its own story but for a later time.

Anyway being broke and hungry, I went through what I had.
Some dried pinto beans.
Half a head of not yet bad broccoli.
Hundreds of packets of Taco Bell green and red sauce and as much ketchup from McD's, Burger King, wherever.
Some kind of dried pasta, probably small shells or something like that.

Trust me, nothing edible can be created from this.
I tried.

I started with pinto and broccoli soup. Um, no.
Added some pasta. Like having a hand full of hearts with clubs trump.
Maybe spice it up with the Taco Bell stuff. Definitely wrong direction.
Fuck it, ketchup cures all. Not this.

Would have set it outside and waited to kill whatever critter came along but even they had better sense(s) than that.

[Celeste Chalfonte]

Not talking about accidents or unusual crap that has happened to you.

This is something that you intentionally did with some expected result and it turned out a bit less than desired.

It was 1982 and I was dead broke living behind a dive beer and wine joint in Tempe, AZ about 1/2 mile from the ASU campus, which in itself is its own story but for a later time.

Anyway being broke and hungry, I went through what I had.
Some dried pinto beans.
Half a head of not yet bad broccoli.
Hundreds of packets of Taco Bell green and red sauce and as much ketchup from McD's, Burger King, wherever.
Some kind of dried pasta, probably small shells or something like that.

Trust me, nothing edible can be created from this.
I tried.

I started with pinto and broccoli soup. Um, no.
Added some pasta. Like having a hand full of hearts with clubs trump.
Maybe spice it up with the Taco Bell stuff. Definitely wrong direction.
Fuck it, ketchup cures all. Not this.

Would have set it outside and waited to kill whatever critter came along but even they had better sense(s) than that.

Just read a novel in which the cop comments that impoverished homes sometimes smell of tomato soup and peanut butter, because you can make a tomato soup (doubtless not a very good one) from ketchup packets from fast food places, and peanut butter is the most bang calorically for a buck, and often free (government programs or food banks).

[bandersnatch45]

Way back in college we made a lot of chili. It was cheap and we were hungry. It was also the early '80's when hot peppers were just becoming available at the grocery.

We knew what jalapenos were but one day a new kind of jalapeno showed up at the Piggly Wiggly: long skinny green peppers, still labelled jalapeno. We didn't know any better so we bought them for the chili that night. Also a case of Moosehead beer.

The chili was so hot as to be almost inedible. We drank all the beer to try to put out the fire, but all it did was make us drunk and still on fire.

Yep, those were cayenne peppers, alright.

Sent from my BBB100-1 using Tapatalk

[80zephyr]

You know how you can buy those Chinese meals in a can with one can of meat and gravy, and the other the vegetables? Well, one night after getting drunk, I foraged for something to eat. I found the two part Chinese meal and immediately heated up and ate the meat and gravy portion of the meal. Still being hungry, I opened up, heated, and TRIED to eat the vegetable portion of the meal. Don't do this.

Mark

[daveman]

Not long after we had gotten married, I was making spaghetti. My wife had left the house to go do something, but before she left, she saw me putting the prefab sauce in a Pyrex casserole dish to add spices and meat and heat it through.

She said, "That's not going to work."

I said, "Of course it will." My brother-in-law was a scientific glassblower. Pyrex can handle all kinds of heat. He used a hydrogen/oxygen torch, fer cryin' out loud!

She said, "Okay. You get to clean it up" and walked out the door.

So I've got the sauce assembled, it's on the stovetop, smelling all good...and the casserole dish just kind of...fell apart. Sauce went all over the stove. Shit.

I had the stove top raised up and was still cleaning under it when she got home.

[Gingersnap]

Not long after we had gotten married, I was making spaghetti. My wife had left the house to go do something, but before she left, she saw me putting the prefab sauce in a Pyrex casserole dish to add spices and meat and heat it through.

She said, "That's not going to work."

I said, "Of course it will." My brother-in-law was a scientific glassblower. Pyrex can handle all kinds of heat. He used a hydrogen/oxygen torch, fer cryin' out loud!

She said, "Okay. You get to clean it up" and walked out the door.

So I've got the sauce assembled, it's on the stovetop, smelling all good...and the casserole dish just kind of...fell apart. Sauce went all over the stove. Shit.

I had the stove top raised up and was still cleaning under it when she got home.

Pyrex is wonderful stuff but all women are born knowing that you can't use it on a heating element.

[daveman]

Pyrex is wonderful stuff but all women are born knowing that you can't use it on a heating element.

Yeah, it doesn't take too kindly to the point-loading thermal stress. Who knew? Well, besides all women, that is...

[Gingersnap]

Yeah, it doesn't take too kindly to the point-loading thermal stress. Who knew? Well, besides all women, that is...

You just could have asked.

*Stalks off to other room in a huff*

[Newman]

Not long after we had gotten married, I was making spaghetti. My wife had left the house to go do something, but before she left, she saw me putting the prefab sauce in a Pyrex casserole dish to add spices and meat and heat it through.

She said, "That's not going to work."

I said, "Of course it will." My brother-in-law was a scientific glassblower. Pyrex can handle all kinds of heat. He used a hydrogen/oxygen torch, fer cryin' out loud!

She said, "Okay. You get to clean it up" and walked out the door.

So I've got the sauce assembled, it's on the stovetop, smelling all good...and the casserole dish just kind of...fell apart. Sauce went all over the stove. Shit.

I had the stove top raised up and was still cleaning under it when she got home.

We have a winner! In a fashion.

One morning in a sleep fog (no alcohol was involved ) I filled the reservoir of the coffee maker with orange juice.

That didn't turn out well.

It did wake me up, though.

[Gingersnap]

For years I never pierced potatoes while baking. I didn't think much about it and nothing ever happened.

Until the Great Explosion.

I had like 5 russet potatoes baking when a truly shocking series of explosions happened. I'm no stranger to explosives but I didn't expect it my oven. The resulting potato carnage took an hour to clean up.

I now stab them with my steely knife and I do kill the beast.

[Newman]

Not talking about accidents or unusual crap that has happened to you.

This is something that you intentionally did with some expected result and it turned out a bit less than desired.

It was 1982 and I was dead broke living behind a dive beer and wine joint in Tempe, AZ about 1/2 mile from the ASU campus, which in itself is its own story but for a later time.

Anyway being broke and hungry, I went through what I had.
Some dried pinto beans.
Half a head of not yet bad broccoli.
Hundreds of packets of Taco Bell green and red sauce and as much ketchup from McD's, Burger King, wherever.
Some kind of dried pasta, probably small shells or something like that.

Trust me, nothing edible can be created from this.
I tried.

I started with pinto and broccoli soup. Um, no.
Added some pasta. Like having a hand full of hearts with clubs trump.
Maybe spice it up with the Taco Bell stuff. Definitely wrong direction.
Fuck it, ketchup cures all. Not this.

Would have set it outside and waited to kill whatever critter came along but even they had better sense(s) than that.

We have a winner! In a fashion.

One morning in a sleep fog (no alcohol was involved ) I filled the reservoir of the coffee maker with orange juice.

That didn't turn out well.

It did wake me up, though.

My post wasn't in keeping with Gary's idea here. Sorry about that.

By the way, I too have settled for mustard sandwiches and ketchup pack "tomato soup."

I always had money for cigarettes, though.

[Michele]

For years I never pierced potatoes while baking. I didn't think much about it and nothing ever happened.

Until the Great Explosion.

I had like 5 russet potatoes baking when a truly shocking series of explosions happened. I'm no stranger to explosives but I didn't expect it my oven. The resulting potato carnage took an hour to clean up.

I now stab them with my steely knife and I do kill the beast.

I did this two weeks ago. Apparently didn't stab two potatoes enough and when I took the first potato out of the oven with a mitt, I squeezed it a little to see if it was done and it exploded on my neck, chest and the inside of my arms...it burned like heck!...and made a huge mess.

[Gingersnap]

My post wasn't in keeping with Gary's idea here. Sorry about that.

By the way, I too have settled for mustard sandwiches and ketchup pack "tomato soup."

I always had money for cigarettes, though.

Well, you have to prioritize.

This is where women have the advantage (at least young women). At one point, I had a refrigerator with vodka in the freezer (for guests), a kind of scary head of iceberg lettuce, and French mustard. I mean mustard from France. I might have had a box of Chicken In A Biscuit somewhere.

I never ate at home. I either ate one meal at work or had a date. Or both. In those days, that's all I needed. I'm sure I had any number of vitamin deficiencies. On the other hand, I was remarkably slim.

[Celeste Chalfonte]

Pyrex is wonderful stuff but all women are born knowing that you can't use it on a heating element.

I read that original Pyrex could be used on just about any kind of heat, but they changed the composition many years ago and it's no longer as durable.

[Gingersnap]

I read that original Pyrex could be used on just about any kind of heat, but they changed the composition many years ago and it's no longer as durable.

Yes, they quit using borosilicate glass. This has a much better thermal shock profile. Most lab glass is still borosilicate glass. It's more expensive.